I've never been so exhausted in all my life...okay...maybe a small exaggeration, but not by much! I think this has been the longest work week ever. And that is saying a lot, being that everyday at work, is a long week. And since I'm feeling so exhausted, I'm going to be lazy, and blend 2 days into one. Not that there were any insights yesterday anyway.

I did however, make some big progress on a painting that I started working on a week and a half ago at one of our Reiki circles. I got inspired last night. Which started by printing up some samples of this really amazing tarot deck that I've been coveting for about 2 months now. The artwork in this deck is incredible. See the pic to the right - it's one of them. I picked that one for this post because it's kinda how I feel today.

It's called Soul Cards. I've been wanting to buy that deck only somewhat for the purpose of doing readings. The main reason is for the inpiring artwork that has given rise to an actual artist in me. The colors are the kind that I love to use in my paintings, and the style of art, is what I've been trying to achieve. So, I had fun last night. It's kinda cool, cuz when I was much younger - early 20's - when I first moved from sketching and pastels, to oil, acrylic and canvas, I always wanted to be able to paint what was in my head, but could never get past the critique. You know the one. The one who tells you that anything you put on canvas is going to look like a 3 year old created it.

About 6 months ago, I started doodling one day, and next thing you know, I was doing this really neat stuff that actually looked like art. I decided to venture out and try that with paint. I started slowly, with a thunderbird that I did, which took me about 6 months, and still...really isn't completely finished. I've done a few abstracts since then, and in about 3 paintings, I've gone from looking like a very angry 6 year old, to something that might actually pass for art. With a definitive influence from the Soul Cards. I was totally in my bliss last night. I'd love to do that everyday, all day, and just do that...well...mixed in with writing, singing, doing healing work and readings...maybe occasionally skiing...

I'll post a few more examples of these wonderful cards, in my next post...

Anyway, despite my complete exhaustion, bordering on breakdown, I feel inspired everytime I think, or walk by my "baby" sitting on the easel.

Today, I ordered both Soul Cards decks from Amazon with a gift card I got from work for booking my vacation early. It was an incentive to get people to take time off now, because we've been "overstaffed" with a lack of calls coming in. At least, this is what they've been telling us. I was a little miffed when I found out that this gift card, that I was under the original impression, would be a cash gift card that you could spend anywhere, including just getting cash so I could pay my share of the gas bill with. I got over that really fast when I saw that one of the stores you could use that card at was Amazon. Immedialely, I jumped for joy, and up from my desk (it was my break) and ran for the nearest public computer located in the cafeteria of our office, to get online, to order my cards. Even stranger?! Last night, when I had been looking around Amazon.ca, they only had the 2nd edition of soul cards, not the first one. Today, they had both. Go figure. And they were both, almost half the price of what you would pay for them at a retail store. Yippeee!!!! My order confirmation says I'll have them in my hot little hands by Wednesday of next week. I love the speed of ordering from Amazon. They are so wonderful.

And I just had a thought that popped into my head as I was writing this. I wasn't supposed to be able to spend that $50 on practical stuff like my gas bill. I was supposed to buy something that I really really wanted, that inspires me. It was there to teach me to take care of myself by not withholding the things that really mean something to me, from myself. That it's important to pamper yourself once in a while, otherwise, you start to feel very deprived, and eventually resentful because you can't have those things you really want. Which, I realize now, is a big pattern in my life. I really do withold those things that I really want, even if it's achieving a dream as if I don't deserve it. Gotta stop that now!

I think we're all victim (er...well...not really victim...it really is a choice we make) to that sometimes.

Okay. I"m done now. I'll write more tomorrow. Danard and I went to see What the Bleep 2 tonight. Had some aha's during that too. But I'll save that for later...for now. It's bed time for me.

G'Night to all!
Morgana