I got through yesterday, which was rather challenging to say the least. I was feeling rather "ucky" this morning, but not too bad now. Still in my jammies though. My goal right now, to spend the weekend resting up, and once I know know if I get approved for the time off thing, I'll be able to figure out what I'm going to be doing for the next while.

If I get a approved, I'll be getting down to work on the business next week. My goal...to really get down to business of creating that e-book so I can get on with creating my passive income. All with the goal in mind of either being able to drop my hours at work, and eventually quit altogether. That place really is toxic for me. It's taken me 4 days of doing nothing but...well...nothing, just to feel okay. Not great, just okay. I'm still tired though, but will improve with time.

Yesterday afternoon, I went out onto the balcony for a while to catch some fresh spring air. Every once in a while, I would catch this really amazing spring like smell, not unlike things coming back to life. (go figure!) It would, for a split second every time, make me feel like spring. You know that feeling, like all is good with the world. But after that split second retreated from whence it came, I went back to feeling like I would never feel good again. I know this is not true, but tell that to your emotions. They just kinda go, "Ya, right. Maybe in the next lifetime!". I finally went back inside, leaving the patio door wide open, because I knew on some level, that the fresh air was doing me some good. I layed down on the couch with the blankie that my Grandma Smith made for me when I was 8, and just allowed myself to feel crappy.

I think that's actually the trick with all of this stuff. If you feel like crap, don't fight it, just feel it, with every fibre of your being. Because ya know, before too long (I think I actually fell asleep for a few minutes, until the phone rang...), I was starting to feel okay again. I kept thinking to myself, "how am I ever going to get through this?" Then I asked for some serious Divine Intervention, and just breathed in the wonderful spring air, and I just started feeling better. Tired, but better.

As soon as Danard gets off the phone, I'm going to call the HR department, and see how things are progressing with my application for time off. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to do nothing.

More later,
Morgana

Well. I've been rather complacent in posting these days. Actually a better description would be absolutely exhausted to the point of near collapse. I've also started having anxiety attacks again - something I hadn't experienced in a very long time. I learned how to deal with, stop eventually completely obliterate my anxiety. That is, until I started this job. It didn't start right away, but it wasn't long after starting, that I felt the rumblings of that fear, creeping in. I've spend the past 5 days, using every technique, skill and ability that I have, not to mention, a tremendous amount of energy, to keep a full blown anxiety attack from kicking in. I've been more or less successfull at that, but to the complete depletion of my ability to function as a relatively normal human being.

I went to work on Monday, barely got through the day, and have been calling in sick everday since. I actually went to a councellor on Tuesday about all of this, which I have been told, is not unheard of at this job. There is one thing good about this job, other than the regular pay cheque and really good health benifit package. They also have short term disability insurance. You can get up to 30 days off at full pay. If you have to be off work longer than that, you can qualify for 70% of your pay. I'm now in the process of having the paperwork to submit (and hopefully get approved for) much needed some time off.

Of course, I've been dilgent in keeping everyone informed at work - my team manager, scheduling and the hr departement. The forms needs to be submitted by tomorrow. My councellor (who is fabulous, by the way) said she won't have time to work on it today, due to a lot of bookings today. I'm hoping she can have it done so we can fax it tomorrow.

Anyhoo...that's my life right now. My plan when and if I'm approved for time off? First - to get my energy back, to learn how to get a good night's sleep again, and generallly get healthy again. Second, to figure out what I'm going to do about this whole job thing....maybe start looking for a new one that's more in line with my path. Third - to work on my ebook in which I have an outline that's now 13 chapters long so I can start building that passive income. Goal, maybe even to have it finished. Fourth - to spend some time working on my paintings, and maybe start trying my hand at watercolors, which is not one of my strong points as an artist, to say the least.

It is very interesting, the changes that have taken place over the past 21 days of this exeriment. I do believe that setting that goal has had everything to do with the way things have played out. I was trying to meditate last night, and had some interesting insights. Not sure if these "insights" area really insights, or just that I have completelyl lost my freekin' mind already, but here goes. My feeling was that this time off thing that's in the works, is actually my "safety net" that my higher self has been telling me about for the past 2 months, in terms of that feeling that I had to just quit the day job, altogether. Once I had made the decision to go part time, by no later than May 1, something began to happen. My stress level, that was already at an altime high, went literally beyond my max. My feeling last night was that my higher self / guides, and whoever else had something to do with this, was actually intentionally pushing me to my limit and beyond, so that I would get to the point where I would have to put an application in for time off, or I might end up in the hospital.

This, I was told, was needed for 2 reasons: (1) being that I'm someone who does not abuse a system like this, and would much rather just continue to deal with my job and the stress, than take time off, I had to get pushed to the point where I was getting sick to actually make the decision to apply. (2) so that whoever ended up filling out the forms for me, would really see what this place is doing to me mentally, emotionally, spiritually an physically. I needed to be "at the end of my rope" so to speak, for that to happen.

And believe me, I've been at the end, pretty much. But there's hope now. I won't be taking on any clients for a while yet, needless to say, as I need to work on myself for a while. Plus, we have to spend time getting ready for the Body, Soul and Spirit Expo coming soon. Once I do my own self healing, I suspect that I'll be better than ever and ready to start my new life!! I'm looking forward to that.

If there's anyone out there reading this who is a "potential client or student", I'd like to add this disclaimer: In no way, will this state of mind I'm currently in, affect my ability to perform as a Reiki Master / Teacher / Medical Intuitive. This is completely temporary.

We all go through our "stuff", even healers do, and then have to deal with it. We just need to know when to take time out to take care of ourselves, and I'm learning that lesson up close and personally. Once I get through this phase, I'll be even more capable of showing others, tools to help heal themselves. The idea is to learn from the experience and move on. Hopefully in a way that can help others in the process.

In any case, I'm going to go continue doing the self care thing, and try to do as little as possible for the rest of the day.

More later gang...
Morgana

Here's a few more of my favorite cards from the Soul Cards Deck. Aren't they gorgeous?!?

Morgana

I've never been so exhausted in all my life...okay...maybe a small exaggeration, but not by much! I think this has been the longest work week ever. And that is saying a lot, being that everyday at work, is a long week. And since I'm feeling so exhausted, I'm going to be lazy, and blend 2 days into one. Not that there were any insights yesterday anyway.

I did however, make some big progress on a painting that I started working on a week and a half ago at one of our Reiki circles. I got inspired last night. Which started by printing up some samples of this really amazing tarot deck that I've been coveting for about 2 months now. The artwork in this deck is incredible. See the pic to the right - it's one of them. I picked that one for this post because it's kinda how I feel today.

It's called Soul Cards. I've been wanting to buy that deck only somewhat for the purpose of doing readings. The main reason is for the inpiring artwork that has given rise to an actual artist in me. The colors are the kind that I love to use in my paintings, and the style of art, is what I've been trying to achieve. So, I had fun last night. It's kinda cool, cuz when I was much younger - early 20's - when I first moved from sketching and pastels, to oil, acrylic and canvas, I always wanted to be able to paint what was in my head, but could never get past the critique. You know the one. The one who tells you that anything you put on canvas is going to look like a 3 year old created it.

About 6 months ago, I started doodling one day, and next thing you know, I was doing this really neat stuff that actually looked like art. I decided to venture out and try that with paint. I started slowly, with a thunderbird that I did, which took me about 6 months, and still...really isn't completely finished. I've done a few abstracts since then, and in about 3 paintings, I've gone from looking like a very angry 6 year old, to something that might actually pass for art. With a definitive influence from the Soul Cards. I was totally in my bliss last night. I'd love to do that everyday, all day, and just do that...well...mixed in with writing, singing, doing healing work and readings...maybe occasionally skiing...

I'll post a few more examples of these wonderful cards, in my next post...

Anyway, despite my complete exhaustion, bordering on breakdown, I feel inspired everytime I think, or walk by my "baby" sitting on the easel.

Today, I ordered both Soul Cards decks from Amazon with a gift card I got from work for booking my vacation early. It was an incentive to get people to take time off now, because we've been "overstaffed" with a lack of calls coming in. At least, this is what they've been telling us. I was a little miffed when I found out that this gift card, that I was under the original impression, would be a cash gift card that you could spend anywhere, including just getting cash so I could pay my share of the gas bill with. I got over that really fast when I saw that one of the stores you could use that card at was Amazon. Immedialely, I jumped for joy, and up from my desk (it was my break) and ran for the nearest public computer located in the cafeteria of our office, to get online, to order my cards. Even stranger?! Last night, when I had been looking around Amazon.ca, they only had the 2nd edition of soul cards, not the first one. Today, they had both. Go figure. And they were both, almost half the price of what you would pay for them at a retail store. Yippeee!!!! My order confirmation says I'll have them in my hot little hands by Wednesday of next week. I love the speed of ordering from Amazon. They are so wonderful.

And I just had a thought that popped into my head as I was writing this. I wasn't supposed to be able to spend that $50 on practical stuff like my gas bill. I was supposed to buy something that I really really wanted, that inspires me. It was there to teach me to take care of myself by not withholding the things that really mean something to me, from myself. That it's important to pamper yourself once in a while, otherwise, you start to feel very deprived, and eventually resentful because you can't have those things you really want. Which, I realize now, is a big pattern in my life. I really do withold those things that I really want, even if it's achieving a dream as if I don't deserve it. Gotta stop that now!

I think we're all victim (er...well...not really victim...it really is a choice we make) to that sometimes.

Okay. I"m done now. I'll write more tomorrow. Danard and I went to see What the Bleep 2 tonight. Had some aha's during that too. But I'll save that for later...for now. It's bed time for me.

G'Night to all!
Morgana

This will be a shorter post this time. Cool stuff today that I think shows that I'm on the right track. I was talking to HB (see link to her blog on the right) about the stuff I've been talking about here. I happened to mention how lousy I am at the concept of building a website, and she mentioned that her hubby, Tim, is really good at that kind of stuff. So, I asked if he might be willing to help out with this project on a trade. I figger that between Leigh, Tim, HB, myself and Danard, we should be able to muster something together that would look pretty dern cool. So...we're having a meeting on Sunday morning, this coming to discuss it all.

This new happening conincedence? I think not...let's keep the synchronicities comin'!!!

HB also loved the idea (which I posted to her blog) about having regular Mastermind meetings. So, Leigh, if you're reading this...we're askin' if you'd like to be a part of all of this as well. (including if you're healthy enough to have a meeting on Sunday morning with us) So, that's the plan for this week, other than me continuing to work on the e-book.

On that note, seeing as I haven't worked on it since yesterday, in between calls at work, I'd better get to work on that. Er...maybe I should have dinner first though.

Okay...that's all for now. Stay tuned!
Morgana

Well, it seems that I'm actually getting things done these days. Having a definative goal really helps to put things into focus. The fire to keep those promises to myself, is of course, being able to eventually be gainfully SELF EMPLOYED!

Yesterday, being day 12, I got my well organized receipts and T4's transported over to one of my Reiki students, who does my taxes every year. So, sometime in the not too distant future, I'll know what my tax return will be. I'm hoping (as everyone does) that it will be a big one. Last year was really good, so I'm hoping for at least that amount. I figure, because I made about the same amount of money in 2005, and had more business expenses, that my return this year will be even better. Even if it's around the same though, I've educatedly hypothesised (say that 10 times fast...hehe) that I'll have enough of a cushion that I could easily drop to part time very soon, like say...in the next month at the outside. I'm so excited about that! Give me a sense of not only muchly needed relief, but that also there is a light at the end of the tunnel that I can actually see now.

On that note, last night I had an epiphany. I was sitting at the computer after Danard and I got home from Barb's place, looking at Caroline Myss's site. If anyone out there doesn't know who she is, you need to find out, she's fantastic. She's a world renowned medical intuitive, who has books, cd's, dvd, and does lectures all over the world. I've been studing her stuff, for about a year now. Anyway. I was looking at something on her site, and I had one of those moments where you hear a voice in your head...you know...THOSE moments. lol...

So, I don't remember what it was I was reading exactly, but this voice started talking to me...I'm assessing that I was my higher self who had frankly just become indignant to the fact that I hadn't acted on her guidance, dispite the frequent kicks in the proverbial ass, that I need to trust and take this leap of faith, instead of trying to find another way out of it (ie. the "safe" way out...) Well, she shows up, giving me this image in my mind of her standing in front of me with her hands on her hips saying (in a very booming, authoritative voice) "So, if you keep getting these intuitive hits to quit or at least drop to part time hours at the job...why the hell haven't you done that yet?!?" She continues by reminding me that "if you really trust this info that's coming through, then just freekin' take the leap, already".

Ya...I got blasted good. So, I thought about that for a while, gently reminded by one part in a Myss CD that we have that talks about how sometimes the HS will make us feel so incredibly uncomfortable in the current situation, that it will give you no other option than to make a change. So, I took that as my final hint.

Upon heading to bed, I decided to talk to Danard about this...still not really trusting what I should do with this not so new information. Yes...trust is a bit of an issue when it comes to my intuition. Ironic, being that it's my intent to do this intuitive thing for a living. So, as we were talking, I finally decided to actually make a decision. Yes...me...indecisive me, actually made a definative choice. That decision, you ask? That by no later than May 1 of 2006, I WILL be dropping my hours back to part time. That I WILL have some money saved by then. That I WILL NOT spend my income tax money on stupid shit. That no matter how much money is saved by then to cushion me, I WILL be going part time on or before May 1. Period. End of Story! Done Deal...

I've actually done some math and even if I only had $1500 saved by then, which is waaaaaayyy conservative, I'd still have enough cushion for a shortfall - income wise - of $400 / month for almost 4 months. This without taking into consideration that by then, the powers that be at work, will be screaming for everyone to take extra shifts to cover the demand of the incoming calls. So that if I absolutely have to, I can take extra shifts to cover my butt, but have the flexibility of not having to. For a while, anyway... In the meantime, I'll be busting my ass so hard that I'll be black and blue, to get this passive income at least started to cover that shortfall, and beyond, and to of course, eventually quit altogether.

So, that's where I leave off for Day 12...

Read the next post for Day 13
Morgana

Well...I've been inspired these days. I've been introduced to something called E-Books. Ooh..writing...something I enjoy and am hopefully reasonably good at. You can create books that can be marketed online thru websites, and sold online, and downloaded once the person has forked over the cash. And of course, I have a million ideas for things I could publish that way, that will also become the basis for actual courses.

I was still feeling a bit "icky" on Sunday, but not nearly as bad as Saturday. I was on the mend, so to speak. Danard went to a healing circle out of town. I stayed home and cleaned house, and got ready for my meeting with Leigh, and for our weekly Sunday night Reiki circle.

That's all I have to say in this post. I'm just glad to see that The Other Side, is finally back online!

Morgana

In hopes that blogspot gets these technical issues sorted out quickly, I'll copy my post from TBS, over to here, which is where this one belongs to begin with...

I think I'm on day 6 of the "changing my reality" series. I don't seem to be too good at keeping on top of things with my posts over there, or here for that matter. My "excuse" you ask? Well, when ya get home from work after dealing with crabby customers all day, who wants to sit in front of the computer any longer? A lot of times, not me, that's for sure.

But, enough of that. Complaining won't get me anywhere, lol. Onward and Upward...

We left of last episode with Danard and Candice having just had a long meeting with Wes and Angela about web marketing. Ugh! All I can say is that it seems as if the more information that I get on this whole subject, the more confused and frustrated I get. Sometimes, I really wish that I could live in the whole "ignorance is bliss" mentality, because sometimes, I really think it would be easier. But alas, we're trying to run a business, so I guess I have to give in and just go with it, and learn as much as I can.

We're looking forward to our next meeting on Sunday with my good friend and fellow blogster, Leigh, from The Spinning Pen (have I mentioned that she's a fabulous writer yet? If not, I say Go See Her Blog!!!She's great!!! Danard and I are meeting with her because she has agreed, unless we really unimpress her on Sunday, on a trade of services. We provide her with relaxation and readings and stuff of that nature, and she provides us with HELP in the marketing of our little baby called Thunderbird Sky. I actually ran into her at work the other day, as she was temping as team manager while ours was in training. She gave me a slight hint on what she's going to be presenting to us on Sunday. Something about a 3 pronged marketing plan, as she gets this...mischievious yet excited look on her face that made her look like she had the secret to the universe in her back pocket. So, needless to say, I'm very intrigued as to what she has up her lovely little sleeve, and how it may possible have an influence as to if and how I can quit my day job.

We'll be giving her a session - a reading and a reiki - what we've lovingly nicknamed the "R 'n R", to not only help her do some needed relaxin' that she needs, but to give her an idea of just what it is that we have to offer the world, and why it needs to get out there to the masses, and all the movie stars and rock stars of the world! ---I only hope that we're really THAT good...hehe.

So, who knows, maybe there's hope yet for me. Maybe I can keep my sanity in tact for a little while longer. Hopefully long enough to survive my hopefully short stint at (Insert company name here...).

Stay tuned...
Morgana

We had a meeting today about this vast topic that frankly, even though I'm more informed as to things one can do to market yourself online and potentially create what is known as a "passive income", I think I'm more confused than ever. Okay...but at least I have a goal...er rather, one more goal to add to my ever growing list of goals. (when does it ever end???) To write a really brilliant e-book that millions of people will want to buy, so that I can quit my annoying, yet financially stable day job.

Now...I have to not only narrow down a topic that I can write about, which I have quite a lot of ideas for, but figure out how to put it into book form. I've been a natural writer since I was a kid, but quite frankly, I've never had the urge to write a book. But then...I have a lot of knowledge in this area of spirituality and such, that I'm sure I could write several. So, one more thing that I have to find time to do. Ugh. But I have to look at it this way. It'll be worth it in the end, and probably be a lot of fun too. So, I have a few different e-books, then maybe...juuussstt maybe, I might be able to create enough passive income so that I can quit my wonderful day job, so I can focus on what I really want to do.

Okay...now to start my new big project. Maybe anyone (if there is anyone) reading this, could provide some feedback on things you would like to learn about in relation to healing work, intuitive "stuff", reiki, energy healing, spirituality. Anything in those types of headings, but certainly not limited to. This might help me figure out what kind of info people are looking to learn about.

Okay. That's all for now. I think it's time for bed, my brain hurts now!

More later...

Blessings,
MorganaSacredWalker

Boy...do I ever suck at writing a blog post everyday. Maybe I'll have to just resign myself to the fact that I'll have to incorporate 2 days of my day by day accounts of how I'm going about the process of acutally changing my reality, every second day...or so...

In any case, today's installment will be 2 days in one.

I was going to write last, which was actually day 2 but alas, I was way too exhausted to sit in front of the computer, so I'm writing this morning, to fill in.

Yesterday, was the first day of a 2 day Art and Spirit workshop I'm taking, which is really about healing with art. Really cool class, actually. It got very emotional at times. Our instructor is the "model" of what art instructors should be like. He's able to pull (or help you to do that) stuff out of you that you didn't know was there. Really cool stuff.

I'll write more about the class tonight, as I have to head out the door for today's class...

More later,
Morgana

I know what I need to do, I'm just not sure how to do it. I know that it needs to happen soon, or I'm going end up having to place myself (voluntarily, or not..hehe) into some sort of institution where y0u can wear funny clothing where you get to hug yourself all day, inside a room where the walls are bouncy.

Danard and I went to this networking thing this morning - bright and early at 7am, which is quite a feat for me. There's this organization called Intelechi, they do business and life coaching, and they have a once a month breakfast to talk about various topics to get your business and life in order and working the way you want it to. Anyway. The topic today was "how to build a successful mastermind group". What's a mastemind group, you ask? Well, before today, I had no idea either, but it's a pretty cool concept.

Basically, you get a group of hopefully likeminded people, though it doesn't have to be, to brainstorm whatever it is that you need brainstorming. It works on the idea that "2 heads are better than one". So, if you pull together 4 or 5, you can come up with ideas that you wouldn't be able to on your own.

So, we did this excercise where you have a paper plate - (ie. having a lot on "your plate" to do) and you literally write down everything that needs to get done, that occupies your mind, goals..things like that. You visually put it on your plate in proportions of how much it's a priority, taking up your time, etc. Of course, you literally get a visual of what you need to do. Then you pick the one thing that is the most important on your plate and you go around the group and talk individually about what that thing is. Here's where the power comes in. You discuss in a group, ideas of how to accomplish that goal. This is where the synergy happens. Our group was only an example of this process, so we barely got into the brainstorming thing, but it gave us an idea of how powerful this process is.

After that, the coaches talked about deciding on one step you can take today to make that happen, so that in 30 days, your goal is accomplished. I acutually got pretty fired up about the idea of being able to either quit, or go to part time hours at the day job. They talked about putting a big red circle on today's date on the calendar as today being the day to "step up and do something", and 30 days from now, it fully being accomplished. So, I'm setting an official goal. 30 days from now I WILL BE ABLE TO GO PART TIME AT THE DAY JOB! I've decided that, even though I really want to just quit, to give myself a less scarey goal of just going part time. And if I accomplish more, then cool. The idea of being able to altogether quit that soon, intimidates me too much and I'm likely to choke first, just on the idea. So, I'm going take in smaller steps.

So...what to do now. Not sure, but Danard and I are getting together with 2 of the people that was in our group, who we've met with before, and talk about some of this stuff. I'm thinking I'd like to do a regular Mastermind Meetup group as well.

How it all turns out...stay tuned!

Blessings to all,
MorganaSacredWalker

I've decided that it would be best to keep our Thunderbird Sky blog as professional as possible, and have my own personal site where I can say whatever is on my mind at that exact moment, without fear of repercussions in the business. At least this is the theory. So...here I am, after midnight, officially turning a lovely shade of pumpkin orange, as it's well past my beddy time. This post will be short. Needless to say, I'm here, hoping that I won't be the only person here paying attentiont to my somewhat daily "rant". Or, maybe that's a good thing if that ends up being the case. Not sure if anyone really would be interested in hearing me vent about how I really dislike my day job.

Anyhoo. Tonight is a short post as I now REALLY have to get to bed. I can feel the pumpkin seeds forming in my stomache now, soon I will be very very round and even more orange, and won't be able to move from my spot until morning because I'll be attached to my seat with the vines that I've grown from being turned into a pumpkin. hehe...

More ramblings later.

Blessings,
MorganaSacredWalker